also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you inspire me to be a worse person
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
