He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
