Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
