you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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