My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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