i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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