Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
