you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
