Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
