her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's get the cat blown out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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