Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
