Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
