is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
