I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
