nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
two words: eviction party
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
