You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
