I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just pee around me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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