I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
