from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
