Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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