just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
