Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
