I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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