Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
