Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
