My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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