I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
