PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
