i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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