I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
