I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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