The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
