those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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