I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
