So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
