I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
