How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
