i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
