I want to have your abortion
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
