im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
