i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
