Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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