Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
