he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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