Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
