In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
