Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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