my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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