i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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