I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
