if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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