You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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