he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
