Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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