Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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